


oh fuchsia (like the drowning man)

by anotherwesternvampire



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mercy is Not a Therapist, Moira is Bad at Feelings, TWs in the description just in case, but hey she gives it a shot, i've been wanting to write for this ship for SO LONG, only rated t because it's kinda heavy, this is just a backstory fic idk, this was written with the intention of moicy but isn't super shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22591252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherwesternvampire/pseuds/anotherwesternvampire
Summary: “I am no angel, Moira. And you are no devil.”(or: moira sulks on a balcony before a mission and angela is nothing if not diplomatic.)
Relationships: Moira O'Deorain/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	oh fuchsia (like the drowning man)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i've been wanting to write these two for so long and i finally came up with an idea i wanted to do. there are a couple of trigger warnings i wanna put out there: mentions of abortion/miscarriages, drowning, family death, and a few references to casual drinking.
> 
> title taken from "[the drowning man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOEG2X4OjGo)" by the cure!
> 
> thank you for clicking and i hope you enjoy <3

Angela sat on the couch, holding her drink with uncertainty. She and the other team members had all arrived in Ireland a few hours ago and as dusk approached, they decided to unwind. A big mission was scheduled for the following day, so everyone was having fun while they could. The get-together was nothing too wild, of course; they had to be sharp for the morning. However, a beer or two was par for the course. Angela gave the occasional nod or laugh throughout the conversation, but she couldn't shake the discomfort she felt.

Despite the wonderful cabin they were staying in and the joyous atmosphere, Angela still had an odd feeling about the mission to come. The group that had been assembled was unconventional, to say the least. Many of her friends and closest associates were a part of it, but there were a few members she was not especially eager to work with; Moira O'Deorain topped that list. The mission was in all of their best interests and more could follow if they were to succeed, so they had put aside their differences to get the job done. However, this did little to quell her discomfort. She knew she had to put some trust in Moira for this to work, and that was the most difficult part.

Unfortunately, there had been few opportunities to address this concern with the other woman. Angela had hardly seen her since the group had arrived. This was not wholly unusual; Moira had always been something of a loner. Even so, it was strange to have not heard a word from her. Moira was a braggart and for her to not be exercising that trait was disconcerting. So, despite her reservations about the ordeal, Angela excused herself during a lull in the conversation and went to find the geneticist.

After looking in all of the common rooms, Angela was prepared to give up. As she turned to walk back into the living room, she glanced at the balcony. There, she saw the silhouette of the taller woman leaning on the rails. She sighed as she approached the door. It was unlikely that she would be able to make any headway with Moira; they were equally stubborn people. However, she felt it was important to be diplomatic at the very least. She opened the sliding door and pulled her cardigan tighter before walking over to the other woman.

"Are you not feeling well, Dr. O'Deorain?"

"I feel quite alright, thank you very much," she said, resting her chin on her palm.

"That's good to hear," Angela said as she made her way to the ledge.

"No need for the pleasantries, Dr. Ziegler. I know you don't care much for me or my health."

"You are not entirely wrong." Angela sighed and looked out over the water. The ocean and sky were the same shade of grey, erasing the line that separated them.

Moira stared down at the water below. The cabin they were staying at was at the edge of a cliff, held up by metal supports. This made it so that when you went on the back porch, the sea was right below you. Had Angela not had trust in the structural integrity of the house, it would have been worrisome. The waves were crashing into the rocks at the bottom, frothing and churning. After a moment, the older woman looked away and closed her eyes, knitting her brows together. Angela thought she looked...sad, almost.

"I have never seen you like this, Doctor. You can talk to me, you know."

Moira glared at the blonde woman. "Why would I tell you anything? We’re little more than strangers. You know nothing of me."

"I know more than you think, Doctor."

Moira gave a bitter laugh. "Ah yes, a thinly veiled threat. That's sure to make someone open up."

Angela raised her eyebrows. "That was not a threat. It was an admission of understanding. Certainly not agreement, of course, but I believe I know where you're coming from in all of this."

"Pray tell." The redhead clasped her hands together and turned to look at the other woman. Moira's mismatched eyes shone bright against the dim porch and her cheeks were flushed from the cold. A long black scarf hung from her neck, accentuating her pale skin.

“We are both women in a field where we are not always welcome. Learning to speak over men despite the consequences is difficult. We must build up our defenses one way or another. As much as it pains me to say it, Doctor, you are brilliant.”

Moira scoffed. “It requires little understanding of who I am to know that.”

“You didn’t allow me to finish, but that is fine. It brings me to my point. You are cocky. It is how you assert yourself in uncomfortable situations. No one can quiet you when you are constantly reminding them of your expertise. You act as if you are smarter than everyone else because, more often than not, you are. Better, no, but smarter. Bragging is the only way you know how to establish your place at the table, so to speak.”

“It is not a crime to be accomplished and proud of it.” Moira said with a slight smirk.

“My apologies, Doctor. I was not aware you were now averse to crime.”

The older woman’s smile disappeared and turned into a frown as she turned to face Angela. Had the blonde been a more recreant woman, she would have felt fear seeing Moira like that. After all, she had witnessed what O’Deorain was capable of: heinous, gruesome acts of violence, the likes of which would keep some people awake at night. However, Angela’s only reaction to the geneticist’s change in demeanor was to face her more directly.

“The only _crime_ here,” Moira spat, “is that people like you wish to stop people like me from improving our world.”

Angela narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw. "Why are you so angry?"

“Oh _please_. Don’t act as if you wouldn’t feel the same if some stranger demeaned you and your life’s work.”

“I did no such thing,” Dr. Ziegler said.

Moira stared into her eyes, clearly replaying the conversation in her head to determine if that was true. After a moment, she relaxed her posture a bit. “Perhaps you did not, but that does not mean you weren't thinking it.”

“Why do you assume that?”

Moira chuckled. “Doctor, you wear a halo into battle. If you hadn’t been reprimanding me in your mind, I don’t know that you’re much of an angel.”

“I am no angel, Moira.” The redhead opened her mouth, obviously preparing to admonish the younger woman for using her first name. Before she could, Angela said, “And you are no devil.”

That comment seemed to stump the taller woman. For a moment, she was silent. Her eyes seemed to soften for a moment before they went cold again.

"What's your point, Ziegler?"

Angela sighed. "My point is that we are on the same team now. We must work together, no matter our personal feelings."

"Just because I work with you does not mean I am your friend."

"No, it doesn't. But it does mean, unfortunately, that we must trust one another."

Moira stiffened and crossed her arms. "Well then, should the situation arise and I am somehow rendered completely useless, I do believe that you will help me. But that does not mean I need to share all my secrets with you. You don't need those in order to save me."

Angela gave her a sympathetic look. "So something that is secret is upsetting you?"

"No, it's- it's not a secret," Moira said, looking back at the water. "It's just not something I like to think about."

"Is this place reminding you of it?"

The taller woman didn't look up. "Yes, I suppose it is."

"You will feel better if you talk about it, Doctor. I will not tell a soul. I promise." After a moment, Angela added, "How about this: I will tell you something that is quite personal for me, then you will tell me something of yours. That way we will be even. However, I will not force you." Moira scoffed at that. "Just say the word and I will forget this ever happened."

"Excellent. Goodbye, Dr. Ziegler."

Angela gave a polite smile and nodded before turning to go back inside. As she reached for the handle, she heard Moira heave a dramatic sigh. She turned around towards the balcony.

"Wait," Moira said, tone harsh. Angela took a few steps towards her.

"Have you changed your mind?"

Moira rolled her eyes. "Yes, obviously, or else I would have let you leave." For the first time in the years that she had known Moira, the other woman seemed uncertain. There was silence for a moment before Moira muttered. "Go on, then."

"Alright." Angela took a deep breath. "When I was in med school, I had a fiancée named Charlie. We got on quite well but I admit we moved a bit too quickly. We had been together for only a few months before I proposed. I was 23 at the time and I suppose I thought that they were, for lack of a better term, 'The One.' Of course, it did not turn out that way. A month later, we had gone our separate ways. We had both kept the engagement quite secret, so I didn't have much explaining to do to my loved ones. I was sad, of course, but there was some comfort in knowing that it was all over. 

"However, I soon found out I was pregnant. I considered terminating it, but decided against it in the end. So I developed a plan: I would take a semester off from school, stay with my mother until I delivered, and then adopt the baby out. I was confident in my decision, even a bit excited. Then, a month later, I had a miscarriage in my dormitory. I drove a few cities over to be looked at in their hospital afterwards. I didn't want any of my professors or faculty to find out, although it really wouldn't have mattered. Logically I knew that it was a natural and common occurrence, but I was still ashamed. I never ended up telling Charlie what had happened. Only my mother and sister knew at the time, and even now only a handful of people are aware of this. _Min Gud_ ," Angela chuckled, "And now you are one of them."

Moira's expression had remained the same throughout the story; stoic, but with sympathy in her eyes. Angela looked away. "Well, that is my story for you."

"I'm very sorry that that happened to you. I imagine that it was quite traumatic to go through."

"Perhaps. I'd like to be able to say it taught me some sort of lesson, but alas."

The two women both looked down at the water over the ledge. The sun was almost gone from the sky, turning the sea a deep purple. After a moment, Moira cleared her throat. "I suppose I ought to reciprocate now, hm?"

Angela smiled. "The floor is yours."

"Alright." Moira looked down at her hands, shaking slightly. "In 2035, my father was enlisted into the Irish Naval Service. There was great civil unrest in Ireland at the time. Conflicts were erupting between much of Europe at the time, so Ireland was preparing to have to go to war. As you know, the bulk of the Omnic Crisis had not yet begun. We were preparing for the wrong fight. Our naivety was staggering.” She paused and swallowed. “My father thought he could do something to help our country. He was not a particularly learned man, but he was intelligent. He had a talent for fixing things, so he was made a mechanic aboard the ship he served on. It was fine for a while. He did well and was paid enough that my mother only had to work part-time to take care of us."

Moira had not lifted her head as she spoke. Angela tried to look at her face, but she turned away. Softly, she asked, "How many siblings do you have?"

"I didn't ask questions during your story, did I?" Moira barked before sighing, resigned. "I had three older brothers and one younger sister. My mother and siblings all either died or disappeared during the Crisis. I wasn't close with any of them to begin with, so it certainly didn't hurt as much as it could have. I was very close with my father, though. He taught me everything he knew about mechanics and engineering. I credit him with my ability to invent the instruments I use for my research. Had it not been for my father, I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am today."

"What happened to him?"

"On my twelfth birthday, he was visiting. He'd been granted leave for a week because he was going to be deployed for several months. My birthday was the final day of his visit. Right before he had to leave that night, he gave me a present. It was a pocket watch that had been in the family for a long time. He had inherited it when his father died. He told me that in case anything were to happen while he was away, he wanted me to have it. Although he never said so, I knew I was his favorite child. I believe that's why he chose to give it to me over my brothers. I kept it in a box in my room. I didn't tell any of the boys because I didn't want them to get jealous and try to take it. It meant a great deal to me.

"Two weeks later, a pair of Naval officers came to our door. They explained to my mother that the ship he was on had been sailing the Irish Sea, not terribly far from here. You may or may not know this, but this was all deeply polluted at the time, brimming with garbage and oil from all of the military waste being dumped in it. It was treacherous for a regular boat, but shouldn't have been a problem for them. Somehow, though, he and the other mechanics had made a mistake and the ship was felled. Almost everyone on board drowned that day." Moira took in a shaky breath. "Because of my father's mistake. _His_. I was furious with him for it. Surely it hadn't been his fault alone, but I had this sense that he could have fixed it and chose not to. I'm certain now that he had done the best he could, but when I was young, it felt like a betrayal. Like he was only gone because of his own mistake.

"Later that day, I took the pocket watch he had given me and I threw it off of a cliff into the sea. It was a ridiculous thing to do and I regretted it almost immediately, but what was done was done. I had made my choice, just as he had made his, and that was that. I threw the only piece of my father I had left into the sea with him. It was meant to be symbolic, of course. In retrospect, it was little more than a tantrum. A stupid, childish tantrum." Her voice was beginning to catch in her throat, although no tears had fallen. Angela cautiously reached a hand out and rested it on Moira's shoulder. The older woman jumped at the contact, but did not look up. They stood like that for a moment before Angela retracted her hand.

"We have all done things out of anger that we now regret. The only thing we can do now is move forward, no matter how much guilt remains," Angela said. Moira nodded her head and cleared her throat, standing up straight.

"You're not excellent with advice, but I do appreciate your listening. I can't say I feel better, but I suppose it is good to say these things aloud." Moira smoothed out her coat and readjusted her scarf. "Rest assured though, if you tell a soul, they will not find your body."

Angela didn't smile, but her voice was warm. "Likewise, doctor."

It was getting dark on the balcony. Angela turned and looked through the sliding door. The others were inside, smiling and laughing with their beers. She shivered as a breeze blew by. "Would you like to go inside now?"

Moira's face was blank, but Angela could see a hint of a smile on her lips. "Yes, please. I am in desperate need of a drink."

With that, the two stepped away from the ledge and walked to the sliding door. Moira opened it and waved Angela inside, who gave a small nod in thanks. She followed and slammed the door behind her. The waves still crashed into the rocks below, but the sound could no longer reach her.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed <3 kudos make my day, comments make my life!


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